Epilogue and Appendix
Kim and I had a relationship which didn't involve sex, alcohol or drugs. I wrote a book about our relationship and how Kim's premature death affected my life. I could have helped Kim but I chose not to. If I would have helped her it's possible she could still be alive today enriching our lives as a brilliant doctor and professor and friend. I might even be happily married to her.
Because of Kim I no longer walk away from people who need help and have devoted my life to helping people, especially junkies and pursuing justice on their behalf.
The following epilogue and appendix are from the book I wrote about Kim and me.
Epilogue
When I first called Kim's best friend Faith Enyeart I told her I had remorse over Kim because I walked away when I found her passed out from drinking in front of the toilet and didn't help her. She told me I shouldn't feel this way. She said Kim suffered from narcolepsy-Denial #1. When she saw I didn't accept this explanation she told me those were wild times and that was the way things were back then-Denial #2. When she saw I didn't accept this explanation she told me Kim liked her bottle of wine and she lived more in her short life than people who live to be eighty-Denial #3.
While I was writing my book I wrote Faith and asked if I could have a picture of Kim smiling-I received no reply.
When I finished my book I mailed Faith a copy and received no reply.
Later I mailed Faith posts from my website-all ablog drug corruption. I received no reply.
Recently I called Faith and said I would like to meet with her. She said she would call back with a time. I never heard from her.
Not only is it tragic what happened to Kim but it is equally tragic what happened to her best friend. Denial over drugs and alcohol is no trait for anyone to have especially a person who becomes a King County Superior Court judge and later on Washington State Supreme Court judge. It is a trait which denies justice to the accused-user or seller and can lead to a corrupt judiciary and 'Third Level'- the mafia's infiltration of the police, politicians, and judiciary.
Faith's silence has told me more than I would like to know.
Faith denied vehemently on Kims behalf that Kim used drugs but anyone who deals with addicts knows that denial is an admittance of drug usage.
The appendix to my book is an attempt to arrive at the truth regarding Kim's usage of alcohol and drugs.
We'll never know if Kim was a junkie but what we do know is Kim died a tragic death and alcohol played a key role (and as I believe my appendix shows also opioids) and that Faith after all these years is still in denial over the tragic consequences of drugs and alcohol. "Disavowel level. This level is characterized by keeping unpleasant or unacceptable stressors, impulses, ideas, affects, or responsibility out of awareness with or without a misattribution of these to external causes. Examples are denial, projection, rationalization." Defense Levels and Individual Defense Mechanisms, Defensive Functioning Scale, page 807, 808, 809, DSM-IV-TR.
My ministry has helped addicts now for over ten years-drugs and alcohol. That's a long time to try and help addicts who are constantly in and out of denial and mostly in.
My ministry still helps addicts but we are taking a new direction now-commemorating "awful overtakings." We started out commemorating military airplane crashes and now we commemorate any "awful overtaking"-shipwrecks, military battles, the death of a mother, her five children and husband who were killed (when their house was set on fire by drug dealers) because she stood up against drug dealers, mountaineering disasters-any "awful overtaking."
I would like to close my epilogue about Kim with how I end every commemoration:
Dear Lord grant Kim grace at the moment of her "awful overtaking." Thank you Lord.
"...for God time is infinitely malleable and he will have heard what the poet (and the reader) asks even now a month or a century on:
The prayer thou hearst me making
have, at the awful overtaking,
heard; have heard and granted
grace that day grace was wanted.
It is all one can do... only God can be in at the end, only the Father can help there."
Gerard Manley Hopkins, "A Life," Paul Mariano
I pray for Kim often. I hope anyone who reads this will too.
Kim died of heart failure aggravated by alcohol and possibly drugs sitting on the toilet having a bowel movement and lifting 5 pound weights in each hand. How ironic-I walked away from Kim when I saw her passed out in front of a toilet-how sad. "Repeated intake of high doses of alcohol can affect nearly every organ system, especially the...cardiovascular system,..." Associated physical examination findings and general medical conditions., Additional Information on Alcohol-Related Disorders, page 218, DSM-IV-TR. "...slowing of gastrointestinal activity, and constipation....opioid Dependence is associated with a death rate as high as 1.5%-2.0% per year. Death most often results from...or other general medical complications." Associated physical examination findings and general medical conditions., Additional Information on Opioid-related Disorders, page 275, DSM-IV-TR.
Appendix
Was Kim a junkie?
Kim may have had a drug induced sleep disorder from opioids-not narcolepsy per her best friend.
I spent New Year's Eve with Kim and she slept through the old and new years. Substance-Induced Sleep Disorder ... is included in the "Sleep Disorder" section, Page 209, DSM-IV-TR. "Intoxication is accompanied...drowiness (described as being "on the nod")..." Opioid-Induced Disorders, 292.89 Opioid Intoxication, page 271, DSM-IV-TR.
Kim may have had a drug induced sexual disorder. Substance-Induced Sexual Dysfunction.. is included in the "Sexual and" ...section, page 209, DSM-IV-TR. "Repeated heavy drinking in women is associated with menstrual irregularities...", Additional Information on Alcohol-Related Disorders, page 219, DSM-IV-TR. Females commonly have disturbances of reproductive function and irregular menses." Additional Information on Opioid-Related disorders, page 275, DSM-IV-TR. Kim told me she had a friend at the university who was researching why she was having these problems.
It is not unusual for doctors to use opioids because of how easy it is for them to obtain them. "Health care professionals with Opioid Dependence will often obtain opioids by writing prescriptions for themselves or by diverting opioids that have been prescribed for patients or from pharmacy supplies." Opioid Use Disorders, 304.0 Opioid Dependence, page 270, DSM-IV-TR.
The "rough lot" I mention in my book who were always at Kim's apartment were probably junkies from Harborview Medical Center who would have been Kim's patients.
Kim dated my brother who was heavily into drugs-marijuana, LSD, cocaine. I vividly remember an extensive conversation they were having about methodone. I also remember an extensive conversation he was having with Faith asking advice because he was stopped by the police and they found cocaine in his trunk. These conversations took place at one of Faith's parties. My brother recently admitted to me those were wild parties and drugs were available besides booze. Kim dressed like a junkie.
Kim was very young looking. Opioids keep a person young looking.
Often times addicts have a cross addiction and go from opioids to alcohol and then alcohol to opioids and sometimes both. Billy Holiday wrote about all the people she had seen go from opioids to booze and they were dead within a year. "Substance Dependence, Abuse, Intoxication...often involve several substances used simultaneously or sequentially. For example,...individuals with opioid Dependence...usually have several other Substance-Related Disorders, most often involving alcohol,..." Use of multiple substances, Substance-Related Disorders, page 203, DSM-IV-TR. "Alcohol Dependence and Abuse are often associated with Dependence on, or Abuse of, other substances (e.g. ...heroin;..." Associated descriptive features and mental disorders, page 217, DSM-IV-TR. "Alcohol Intoxication,...can cause a clinical picture that resembles opioid Intoxication....intoxication may be due to both opioids and to alcohol..." Differential Diagnosis, Opioid-Related disorder not otherwise Specified, page 277, DSM-IV-TR.
Kim didn't eat right-for dinner she might have chunks of meat. Not eating right is common for people on opioids. "...from improper diet..." Impairment and Complications, Substance-Related Disorders, page 206, DSM-IV-TR.
People on drugs and alcohol are at risk career wise, safety wise, and relationship wise:
Kim and Faith drank while driving. We were all in Faith's car going skiing. Faith was speeding and pulled over by the state patrol. They both quickly gave me their beer bottles to hide. Thanks to my quick action nothing happened and Faith was only given a verbal warning.
Kim and my brother would drink driving to the ski slopes. "The person may use alcohol in physically hazardous circumstances (e. g. driving an automobile...while intoxicated)." 305.00 Alcohol Abuse, page 214, DSM-IV-TR.
As my book documents Kim had serious problems with her personal relationships. "...repeated use in situations in which it is physically hazardous,...and recurrent social and interpersonal problems (Criterion A)....The person may repeatedly be intoxicated in situations that are physically hazardous (e.g., while driving a car,...The person may continue to use the substance despite a history of undesirable persistent or recurrent social or interpersonal consequences...(Criterion A4)." Substance Abuse, page 198, 199, DSM-IV-TR.
As my book also documents Kim was fearful for her personal safety. " Accidents and injuries due to violence..." Associated physical examination findings and general medical conditions., Additional Information on Opioid-Related Disorders, page 275, DSM-IV-TR.
When I found Kim passed out in front of the toilet where she had been vomiting this could have been caused by opioids. "...B....(2)......vomiting...," Diagnostic criteria for 292.0pioid Withdrawal, page 273, DSM-IV-TR. "Despite recognizing the contributing role of the substance to a psychological or physical problem (e. g., ...damage to organ systems), the person continues to use the substance (Criterion 7). The key issue in evaluating this criterion is not the existence of the problem, but rather the individual's failure to abstain fron using the substance despite having evidence of the difficulty it is causing." Substance Dependence, page 195, DSM-IV-TR.
Kim scared easily as my book describes. I need to research this further but I have seen this in opioid users and it is related to their mental illness from opioid use.
After reading the above and knowing my relationship with Kim did not involve drugs or alcohol you have to admire Kim for trying as hard as she could to lead a clean life. How hard she tried reminds me of a junkie I helped once.
How Kim looked at me the first time I saw her and the last time I saw her was the look of a junkie.
If just one life can be saved from drugs and alcohol all my writings in this blog and the risks I am taking to my personal safety by exposing drug corruption and 'The Third Level' will be worthwhile.
If you have a friend with a drug or alcohol problem remember:
"FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIEND'S DIE."
I believe the Lord has heard and answered my prayer for grace for Kim at the moment of her "awful overtaking" and in the final seconds of her life she saw the truth at last and was finally free from doubt, or fear, or hopes illusion as I am now concerning Kim.
"Truth at Last" by Edward Rowland Sill 1841-1887
Does a man ever give up hope, I wonder,-
face the grim fact, seeing it clear as day?
When Bennen saw the snow slip, heard its thunder
low, louder, roaring round him, felt the speed
grow swifter as the avalanche hurled downward,
did he for just one heart-throb-did he indeed
know with all certainty, as they swept onward,
there was the end, where the crag dropped away?
Or did he think, even till they plunged and fell,
some miracle would stop them? Nay, they tell
that he turned round, face forward, calm and pale,
stretching his arms out toward his native vale
as if in mute, unspeakable farewell,
and so went down-'tis something, if at last,
though only for a flash, a man may see
clear-eyed the future as he sees the past,
from doubt, or fear, or hope's illusion free.
The correct citation for DSM-IV-TR is American Psychiatric Association: Diagnostic and Statistical Manuel of Mental Disorders, Fourth Edition, Text Revision. Washington, DC, American Psychiatric Association, 2000.
Because of Kim I no longer walk away from people who need help and have devoted my life to helping people, especially junkies and pursuing justice on their behalf.
The following epilogue and appendix are from the book I wrote about Kim and me.
Epilogue
When I first called Kim's best friend Faith Enyeart I told her I had remorse over Kim because I walked away when I found her passed out from drinking in front of the toilet and didn't help her. She told me I shouldn't feel this way. She said Kim suffered from narcolepsy-Denial #1. When she saw I didn't accept this explanation she told me those were wild times and that was the way things were back then-Denial #2. When she saw I didn't accept this explanation she told me Kim liked her bottle of wine and she lived more in her short life than people who live to be eighty-Denial #3.
While I was writing my book I wrote Faith and asked if I could have a picture of Kim smiling-I received no reply.
When I finished my book I mailed Faith a copy and received no reply.
Later I mailed Faith posts from my website-all ablog drug corruption. I received no reply.
Recently I called Faith and said I would like to meet with her. She said she would call back with a time. I never heard from her.
Not only is it tragic what happened to Kim but it is equally tragic what happened to her best friend. Denial over drugs and alcohol is no trait for anyone to have especially a person who becomes a King County Superior Court judge and later on Washington State Supreme Court judge. It is a trait which denies justice to the accused-user or seller and can lead to a corrupt judiciary and 'Third Level'- the mafia's infiltration of the police, politicians, and judiciary.
Faith's silence has told me more than I would like to know.
Faith denied vehemently on Kims behalf that Kim used drugs but anyone who deals with addicts knows that denial is an admittance of drug usage.
The appendix to my book is an attempt to arrive at the truth regarding Kim's usage of alcohol and drugs.
We'll never know if Kim was a junkie but what we do know is Kim died a tragic death and alcohol played a key role (and as I believe my appendix shows also opioids) and that Faith after all these years is still in denial over the tragic consequences of drugs and alcohol. "Disavowel level. This level is characterized by keeping unpleasant or unacceptable stressors, impulses, ideas, affects, or responsibility out of awareness with or without a misattribution of these to external causes. Examples are denial, projection, rationalization." Defense Levels and Individual Defense Mechanisms, Defensive Functioning Scale, page 807, 808, 809, DSM-IV-TR.
My ministry has helped addicts now for over ten years-drugs and alcohol. That's a long time to try and help addicts who are constantly in and out of denial and mostly in.
My ministry still helps addicts but we are taking a new direction now-commemorating "awful overtakings." We started out commemorating military airplane crashes and now we commemorate any "awful overtaking"-shipwrecks, military battles, the death of a mother, her five children and husband who were killed (when their house was set on fire by drug dealers) because she stood up against drug dealers, mountaineering disasters-any "awful overtaking."
I would like to close my epilogue about Kim with how I end every commemoration:
Dear Lord grant Kim grace at the moment of her "awful overtaking." Thank you Lord.
"...for God time is infinitely malleable and he will have heard what the poet (and the reader) asks even now a month or a century on:
The prayer thou hearst me making
have, at the awful overtaking,
heard; have heard and granted
grace that day grace was wanted.
It is all one can do... only God can be in at the end, only the Father can help there."
Gerard Manley Hopkins, "A Life," Paul Mariano
I pray for Kim often. I hope anyone who reads this will too.
Kim died of heart failure aggravated by alcohol and possibly drugs sitting on the toilet having a bowel movement and lifting 5 pound weights in each hand. How ironic-I walked away from Kim when I saw her passed out in front of a toilet-how sad. "Repeated intake of high doses of alcohol can affect nearly every organ system, especially the...cardiovascular system,..." Associated physical examination findings and general medical conditions., Additional Information on Alcohol-Related Disorders, page 218, DSM-IV-TR. "...slowing of gastrointestinal activity, and constipation....opioid Dependence is associated with a death rate as high as 1.5%-2.0% per year. Death most often results from...or other general medical complications." Associated physical examination findings and general medical conditions., Additional Information on Opioid-related Disorders, page 275, DSM-IV-TR.
Appendix
Was Kim a junkie?
Kim may have had a drug induced sleep disorder from opioids-not narcolepsy per her best friend.
I spent New Year's Eve with Kim and she slept through the old and new years. Substance-Induced Sleep Disorder ... is included in the "Sleep Disorder" section, Page 209, DSM-IV-TR. "Intoxication is accompanied...drowiness (described as being "on the nod")..." Opioid-Induced Disorders, 292.89 Opioid Intoxication, page 271, DSM-IV-TR.
Kim may have had a drug induced sexual disorder. Substance-Induced Sexual Dysfunction.. is included in the "Sexual and" ...section, page 209, DSM-IV-TR. "Repeated heavy drinking in women is associated with menstrual irregularities...", Additional Information on Alcohol-Related Disorders, page 219, DSM-IV-TR. Females commonly have disturbances of reproductive function and irregular menses." Additional Information on Opioid-Related disorders, page 275, DSM-IV-TR. Kim told me she had a friend at the university who was researching why she was having these problems.
It is not unusual for doctors to use opioids because of how easy it is for them to obtain them. "Health care professionals with Opioid Dependence will often obtain opioids by writing prescriptions for themselves or by diverting opioids that have been prescribed for patients or from pharmacy supplies." Opioid Use Disorders, 304.0 Opioid Dependence, page 270, DSM-IV-TR.
The "rough lot" I mention in my book who were always at Kim's apartment were probably junkies from Harborview Medical Center who would have been Kim's patients.
Kim dated my brother who was heavily into drugs-marijuana, LSD, cocaine. I vividly remember an extensive conversation they were having about methodone. I also remember an extensive conversation he was having with Faith asking advice because he was stopped by the police and they found cocaine in his trunk. These conversations took place at one of Faith's parties. My brother recently admitted to me those were wild parties and drugs were available besides booze. Kim dressed like a junkie.
Kim was very young looking. Opioids keep a person young looking.
Often times addicts have a cross addiction and go from opioids to alcohol and then alcohol to opioids and sometimes both. Billy Holiday wrote about all the people she had seen go from opioids to booze and they were dead within a year. "Substance Dependence, Abuse, Intoxication...often involve several substances used simultaneously or sequentially. For example,...individuals with opioid Dependence...usually have several other Substance-Related Disorders, most often involving alcohol,..." Use of multiple substances, Substance-Related Disorders, page 203, DSM-IV-TR. "Alcohol Dependence and Abuse are often associated with Dependence on, or Abuse of, other substances (e.g. ...heroin;..." Associated descriptive features and mental disorders, page 217, DSM-IV-TR. "Alcohol Intoxication,...can cause a clinical picture that resembles opioid Intoxication....intoxication may be due to both opioids and to alcohol..." Differential Diagnosis, Opioid-Related disorder not otherwise Specified, page 277, DSM-IV-TR.
Kim didn't eat right-for dinner she might have chunks of meat. Not eating right is common for people on opioids. "...from improper diet..." Impairment and Complications, Substance-Related Disorders, page 206, DSM-IV-TR.
People on drugs and alcohol are at risk career wise, safety wise, and relationship wise:
Kim and Faith drank while driving. We were all in Faith's car going skiing. Faith was speeding and pulled over by the state patrol. They both quickly gave me their beer bottles to hide. Thanks to my quick action nothing happened and Faith was only given a verbal warning.
Kim and my brother would drink driving to the ski slopes. "The person may use alcohol in physically hazardous circumstances (e. g. driving an automobile...while intoxicated)." 305.00 Alcohol Abuse, page 214, DSM-IV-TR.
As my book documents Kim had serious problems with her personal relationships. "...repeated use in situations in which it is physically hazardous,...and recurrent social and interpersonal problems (Criterion A)....The person may repeatedly be intoxicated in situations that are physically hazardous (e.g., while driving a car,...The person may continue to use the substance despite a history of undesirable persistent or recurrent social or interpersonal consequences...(Criterion A4)." Substance Abuse, page 198, 199, DSM-IV-TR.
As my book also documents Kim was fearful for her personal safety. " Accidents and injuries due to violence..." Associated physical examination findings and general medical conditions., Additional Information on Opioid-Related Disorders, page 275, DSM-IV-TR.
When I found Kim passed out in front of the toilet where she had been vomiting this could have been caused by opioids. "...B....(2)......vomiting...," Diagnostic criteria for 292.0pioid Withdrawal, page 273, DSM-IV-TR. "Despite recognizing the contributing role of the substance to a psychological or physical problem (e. g., ...damage to organ systems), the person continues to use the substance (Criterion 7). The key issue in evaluating this criterion is not the existence of the problem, but rather the individual's failure to abstain fron using the substance despite having evidence of the difficulty it is causing." Substance Dependence, page 195, DSM-IV-TR.
Kim scared easily as my book describes. I need to research this further but I have seen this in opioid users and it is related to their mental illness from opioid use.
After reading the above and knowing my relationship with Kim did not involve drugs or alcohol you have to admire Kim for trying as hard as she could to lead a clean life. How hard she tried reminds me of a junkie I helped once.
How Kim looked at me the first time I saw her and the last time I saw her was the look of a junkie.
If just one life can be saved from drugs and alcohol all my writings in this blog and the risks I am taking to my personal safety by exposing drug corruption and 'The Third Level' will be worthwhile.
If you have a friend with a drug or alcohol problem remember:
"FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIEND'S DIE."
I believe the Lord has heard and answered my prayer for grace for Kim at the moment of her "awful overtaking" and in the final seconds of her life she saw the truth at last and was finally free from doubt, or fear, or hopes illusion as I am now concerning Kim.
"Truth at Last" by Edward Rowland Sill 1841-1887
Does a man ever give up hope, I wonder,-
face the grim fact, seeing it clear as day?
When Bennen saw the snow slip, heard its thunder
low, louder, roaring round him, felt the speed
grow swifter as the avalanche hurled downward,
did he for just one heart-throb-did he indeed
know with all certainty, as they swept onward,
there was the end, where the crag dropped away?
Or did he think, even till they plunged and fell,
some miracle would stop them? Nay, they tell
that he turned round, face forward, calm and pale,
stretching his arms out toward his native vale
as if in mute, unspeakable farewell,
and so went down-'tis something, if at last,
though only for a flash, a man may see
clear-eyed the future as he sees the past,
from doubt, or fear, or hope's illusion free.
The correct citation for DSM-IV-TR is American Psychiatric Association: Diagnostic and Statistical Manuel of Mental Disorders, Fourth Edition, Text Revision. Washington, DC, American Psychiatric Association, 2000.
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